To you...

I never thought my opinion would change again, but you moved me in a way I didn't know. I felt as if there was nothing I couldn't do. I dreamed about this so many times. Yet right now, everything's a bad dream spinning around in my lonely mind. My body feels witted, my body feels dead. When everything is gone there'll be nothing to fear, this world won't bring me down because I'm already here, you were always there for me, but maybe I was never truly there for you enough. You were willing to die for me, I never truly knew if I would for you. That's not fair, but of course, what is?

I'm trying to find my way back to sanity. I don't know when I'll get there, or how, but I know I must. I don't know what I'll do when I get there, I guess I'll take a deep breath, hold on tight and hope not to fall. You hold the rope and I'm the one who falls. I'm looking beyond the shadows of my mind, praying not to get lost in the memories. There are so many voices that I don't know which one to hear. There's the voice of reason, trying to make sure that my decisions are right; I don't think I've ever listened to that voice before, really. Then there's the voice of truth and the voice of dreams. If you think about it there's no difference. They both change your way of thinking. They both hurt you. They both make you wonder if you have listened to the reason and if everything's ok, if you've chosen the right path or not.

All I know is that I've always listened to the truth and the dreams and now I have to start thinking what am I going to do. Stop dreaming impossibles. It's not over. Everything's been a dream, that's why I can't do this anymore, because my dream is no longer a possibility. That's why I have to let go. Let go of everything, especially of whom I love the most. If I ever jump off of a bridge, would you follow me? If there was a way in which you could be everything and more, would you do it? It's hard having an answer to those questions, but that's ok, you don't see what's easy to see.

I've lived a risky life, always taking chances. Never slowing down, always walking really really close to the edge. You're getting closer to push me over that little edge called life. Nothing else was worth it and I felt no fear, but I've been wondering why were you there, always for me. I feel pain, but there's only one thing I can do. I wish I could kiss you while we live, or at least kill me while I kiss the sky. Now I follow my own path, without you by my side to guide me. On my own, when freedom carries sacrifice, always remember that this is my life. I'm about to see how far I can fly, but this time you won't be there to catch me when I fall. I feel my soul crying, hoping you'll fly with me tonight, yet I know you can't.

Looking ahead and behind. Everybody crosses lines. This time we went too far. I know there's no turning point, that's why you ended it all. Free me now, with you by my side, so I can find my place in the world. I'm falling faster and time keeps passing by. You won't see fear through these eyes. What there was, won't be, now I'm blind and I can't see.

I'm taking my time making up reasons for all the hurt I'm feeling inside right now, but always remember me. Whatever you may do, always remember me, always remember the way we were because it'll never be the same, I wish it could be, I wish we could go back and I would do it over and over again. Whenever I need to see your face, I just close my eyes. And I'm taken to a place where you're always clear in my mind and I hope you can do the same, I hope I need not try to explain, I just hold on tight, but if it happens again I just hold onto the sweet memories. Just imagine I'm standing there beside you. I love you.

So, I guess I found my answer, I am willing to die for you, but in a way, I already have. It's still unfair, but I just want you to know this. I will love you always and forever. I'd love to stare down at you, look into your shimmering eyes, full of life and know everything's going to be ok. I see truth in your eyes everyday. You could say a thousand words to stop me, more and more reasons why I should let go. I could name them all, the thousand words. So, why is it that I can't let go.

I've locked all my emotions away from the world. I'm telling you this in what could be your last goodbye, but not mine. I'd sacrifice every happiness for you, so I could win, maybe cry. Remember that heaven met no rage like love to hatred turned nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. Don't waste your life just because I do. Just wait one more day, because I can feel it. Because like fallen soldiers we learn an important lesson. Once forgotten and twice ignored, love will be the death and my shattered heart will stop it.

"Don’t know what to do anymore

I’ve lost the only love worth fighting for

I’ll drown in my tear storming sea

that would show you,

that would make you hurt like me"

~ A Fine Frenzy

Something to think about...

The Cracked Pot

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been
made to do.

After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house."

The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?"

"That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them."

"For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. So, to all of my crackpot friends, remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

Moments in life

Whatever you want to call them. What's important it's to close them. What's important it's to "let go" those moments in life that are finishing. Are you out of that job? Is the relationship over? Do you not longer live in that house? Do you have to go on a trip? Did you have a fall out with a friend?

You can spend a lot of time of your present "moving around" the why's, rewinding the cassette, trying to understand how something happened. The worn out is going to last forever because in life, you, I, your friends, your children, your siblings, your parents, everyone is meant to close chapters. To turn the page. We can't live in the present longing for the past. Not even asking us why...whatever happened, happened.

And we have to let go. We can't be kids forever, nor late teenagers, nor employees of a non-existent company, we can't have bonds with those who don't want to be bonded to us. No, things happen and we have to let go!

Thats why sometimes it's important to break pictures, burn letters, destroy memories, give away presents, move to another house. The external changes can simbolize an internal healing process. Release, detach, let go.

Life goes forward, not backwards. Because if you go around life leaving doors open "just in case", you'll never be able to let go, nor to live today with joy. Relationships or friendships that don't close, posibilities to "go back" (to what?), do you need to talk something over? words that weren't said, silences that took over. If you can face those right now, do it! And if you can't, well then let them go, close those chapters. Tell yourself that no, you can't go back. But not because you're prideful or haughty but because you don't fit in there anymore, in that place, in that heart, in that room, in that house, in that desk, in that office, you're not the same one who left two days ago, three months ago, a year ago, thus there's nothing to go back to.

Shut that door, turn the page, close the circle. You won't be the same nor the enviroment to which you want to go back to will be the same because nothing in life stays still, nothing is static. It's for mental health, love for yourself, to be able to let go of the things are no longer a part of your life. Remember that no one is indispensable. Not a person, nor a place, nor a job, nothing is vital because when you came into this world, you came without that "glue". And you get used to live attached to that "glue" and it's a personal journey to learn to live without it, without the human glue that it hurts to let go of today. It's a process of learning how to release something or something and you can do it, because as I said before, nothing nor no one is indispensable.

CLOSE, CLEAN, THROW AWAY, LET GO, SHAKE OFF.

There are so many words that represent mental health and whichever you pick, it'll definately help you to move on forward with a kind of inner peace.

That's life!

The country that had it all.. but a name.

This is an extract from a newspaper article that I read about 2 and a half years ago, by a reporter from Tampico that is now living in Dallas, Texas called Cesar Fernando Zapata, I took the liberty to translate it and I thought I'd share it with you, but aaall the credit goes to him and only him.

Dallas, Texas - "Once upon a time, there was a far away country that had it all, but a name..."
That's how the story about the United States would begin, a country that, according to a mexican writer, could do it all but come up with an original and unique name.
Well, you can look at it from different perspectives.
Because, for example, if you ask a United States citizen, theres' no turning back. The name of their country is America, period. Or United States, or U.S. But more commonly, America.
That's why, them, the gringos, are "Americans".
What about the people from Mexico? From Canada? Cuba? Brazil? They're "Mexicans", they'd say. Or Canadians, Cubans and Brazilians. Not Americans.
But, instead, if you ask us, the mexicans or a brazilian, things change. They are NOT America, we'll say. Yes, they're a country OF America, but not the WHOLE continent. And we immediately criticize the "wrong" use of the word they give to "American". (OUR word)
[...]First, ¿how is the gentilic of a country determined? As a rule, we use the OFFICIAL name of the country.
That's why, for example, the citizens of the Estados Unidos MEXICANOS are called MEXICANOS. The citizens of the República Federativa de BRASIL are calles Brasileños[...]
Following this simple rule, let me ask you a question. Absurd, if you like, but valid:
What is the ONLY COUNTRY in the world that has the word AMERICA in their name?
[...]Did you guess already? Yes, that's correct. It's THAT country. United States of AMERICA.
Just clarifying: We're not defending anyone, we're not supporting them, nor attacking Mexico nor our own "americanism." We're stating a FACT. That's the way it is, whether we like it or not.
We didn't make it up[...]Anyone can prove it checking books or the internet.
The fact is: No other country has the word America in their official name, in all their documents, in all their decrees. Except the United States.
Then, if the citizens of the Estados Unidos Mexicanos are called "mexicans"(not estadounidenses, not estadouidensesmexicanos, just mexicans using the last word of the country's official name), it's only fair that we call the citizens of the United States of America "americans" isn't it?
[...]I know there are different opinions here. I know that we, latinamericans, consider it offensive that the gringos call themselves "America", or "americans" and take our "americanism" away from us.
How did this atrocity happen? Pure tradition. Costum.
For starters, we give countries their name. So, they're imperfect. They're not exact science.
[...]Why did the gringos dare to encroach upon the name of America and make it theirs? Well, no one prohibited them. In fact, naming any country of this continent "America" is a natural thing. Anyone could've come up with it.

Why? Because it was the name that Europeans used. When an spanish said "I'm going to America" he was refering to the Nueva España (Mexico). Or Peru, or Colombia or Cuba. But when an english said "America" he meant the ENGLISH colonies.

The thirteen founder colonies of the United States weren't just one unity. They were separated colonies, like Nueva España from Colombia. Even if they belonged to the same crown.

When this thirteen colonies became independent from England, they decided to become "States". But not in the sense of the word that we know, of "Province". State, in that time, meant "a political unity that lies in a limited territory, with an organized government and internal and external sovereignty".

That is, "State" meant "Country". France to name an example, was an State. Just like Spain (or kingdom).

These thirteen colonies, as independent States, decided to join into a confederation. And the founding fathers of this confederation (Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, etc.) gave the new country a logical name: United ("Joint") States ("Political Entities") of America (where they were located).

Back then, no one else could claim this name because there weren't other countries in America. All of us were still colonies. They were the first ones to become independent, in 1776, even though England recognized this until 1783.

Theorically, we latinamericans weren't "Americans" in the political sense of the word, because we still belonged to Spain. We were a part of Europe. Just like today, some southamerican and african colonies of France wave the flag of European Union, even if they're thousands of kilometers away from Europe.

[...]In fact, calling the first independent country "America" makes sense. The founders of the United States had ideas of liberty, democracy and independency and they were sure those were going to spread across the continent. A little romantic, a little arrogant. But that's how they thought.

Even one of own founding fathers José María Morelos y Pavón had the same thoughts as the northamericans, when he named the Nueva España as the "America Septentrional" (northern America). Later on, when the Apatzingan Constitution was written, in 1813, this new country is named "La América Mexicana".

Truth is, by that time, the northamericans had been using the name "America" for four decades already.

Later on, we decided to give our country its official name: Estados Unidos Mexicanos... leaving "America" behind.

[...]Anyway, calling them "Americans" it's so widespread all over the world, that in many languages the word "America" equals the United States.

Even the Diccionario de la Real Academia de la Lengua Española takes in this meaning as accurate. If you look for the word "Americano", you'll get these definitions: "Natural de América.//Perteneciente o relativo a esta parte del mundo.// ESTADOUNIDENSE.

[...]At the end of it all, you can call them whatever you want, according to your own political opinions.

[...]I am going to continue using the words that people understand. Because those are the ones that everyone uses, even if a minority doesn't like it. So, for all the practical usage, "Americans" are gringos.

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Thoughts?

20 things about me!

1. Some people are better than me. Some are worse than me. But there's no one like me.
2. I do things on instinct.
3. If you have my love, you have me all.
4. Mess with me and you'll see a lot of me.
5. I'm addicted to coffee, compliments, cigarettes and love.
6. I'm a lover, I'm a fighter and I fight for what I love.
7. I'm always falling down, I'm always standing back up.
8. I'm blunt, whether you like it or not.
9. I like to amuse myself when I'm bored.
10. I believe in Karma, afternoon delight, breakfast in bed, and doing what you want simply because you can.
11. I believe in true love. Yeah, I still believe...
12. I HATE being interrupted.
13. I generally don't get mad, but if I do... watch out.
14. You're not the first person to talk about me, nor the last one, I can deal with that.
15. I love fashion but I have no fashion sense of my own.
16. I'm a major "girly-girl" but I hide it. ;D
17. I enjoy finding the good in people.
18. Sometimes I wish I was 30 with a career and family already.
19. I love to read and to indulge myself in any cultural activity.
20. I have the best friends whom I adore.