To you...

I never thought my opinion would change again, but you moved me in a way I didn't know. I felt as if there was nothing I couldn't do. I dreamed about this so many times. Yet right now, everything's a bad dream spinning around in my lonely mind. My body feels witted, my body feels dead. When everything is gone there'll be nothing to fear, this world won't bring me down because I'm already here, you were always there for me, but maybe I was never truly there for you enough. You were willing to die for me, I never truly knew if I would for you. That's not fair, but of course, what is?

I'm trying to find my way back to sanity. I don't know when I'll get there, or how, but I know I must. I don't know what I'll do when I get there, I guess I'll take a deep breath, hold on tight and hope not to fall. You hold the rope and I'm the one who falls. I'm looking beyond the shadows of my mind, praying not to get lost in the memories. There are so many voices that I don't know which one to hear. There's the voice of reason, trying to make sure that my decisions are right; I don't think I've ever listened to that voice before, really. Then there's the voice of truth and the voice of dreams. If you think about it there's no difference. They both change your way of thinking. They both hurt you. They both make you wonder if you have listened to the reason and if everything's ok, if you've chosen the right path or not.

All I know is that I've always listened to the truth and the dreams and now I have to start thinking what am I going to do. Stop dreaming impossibles. It's not over. Everything's been a dream, that's why I can't do this anymore, because my dream is no longer a possibility. That's why I have to let go. Let go of everything, especially of whom I love the most. If I ever jump off of a bridge, would you follow me? If there was a way in which you could be everything and more, would you do it? It's hard having an answer to those questions, but that's ok, you don't see what's easy to see.

I've lived a risky life, always taking chances. Never slowing down, always walking really really close to the edge. You're getting closer to push me over that little edge called life. Nothing else was worth it and I felt no fear, but I've been wondering why were you there, always for me. I feel pain, but there's only one thing I can do. I wish I could kiss you while we live, or at least kill me while I kiss the sky. Now I follow my own path, without you by my side to guide me. On my own, when freedom carries sacrifice, always remember that this is my life. I'm about to see how far I can fly, but this time you won't be there to catch me when I fall. I feel my soul crying, hoping you'll fly with me tonight, yet I know you can't.

Looking ahead and behind. Everybody crosses lines. This time we went too far. I know there's no turning point, that's why you ended it all. Free me now, with you by my side, so I can find my place in the world. I'm falling faster and time keeps passing by. You won't see fear through these eyes. What there was, won't be, now I'm blind and I can't see.

I'm taking my time making up reasons for all the hurt I'm feeling inside right now, but always remember me. Whatever you may do, always remember me, always remember the way we were because it'll never be the same, I wish it could be, I wish we could go back and I would do it over and over again. Whenever I need to see your face, I just close my eyes. And I'm taken to a place where you're always clear in my mind and I hope you can do the same, I hope I need not try to explain, I just hold on tight, but if it happens again I just hold onto the sweet memories. Just imagine I'm standing there beside you. I love you.

So, I guess I found my answer, I am willing to die for you, but in a way, I already have. It's still unfair, but I just want you to know this. I will love you always and forever. I'd love to stare down at you, look into your shimmering eyes, full of life and know everything's going to be ok. I see truth in your eyes everyday. You could say a thousand words to stop me, more and more reasons why I should let go. I could name them all, the thousand words. So, why is it that I can't let go.

I've locked all my emotions away from the world. I'm telling you this in what could be your last goodbye, but not mine. I'd sacrifice every happiness for you, so I could win, maybe cry. Remember that heaven met no rage like love to hatred turned nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. Don't waste your life just because I do. Just wait one more day, because I can feel it. Because like fallen soldiers we learn an important lesson. Once forgotten and twice ignored, love will be the death and my shattered heart will stop it.

"Don’t know what to do anymore

I’ve lost the only love worth fighting for

I’ll drown in my tear storming sea

that would show you,

that would make you hurt like me"

~ A Fine Frenzy